Time are very fast, faster as we can't imagine, I believe that there has a lord lead me the way, I found out that I already lost my way.
Sometime love can solve many problem, including the friendship, but I found out that i don't know how to solve my problem.
My life should be very smoothly, but I can't make it happen.
What happen in my deeply heart?
What happen in my little mind?
Looking at the mirror, that's me, that's still me!!!
But my heart and my mind are not mine, I just lost my spirit!!
I love my family, from now I try to love my family.
but I can't, I hate it, I try to love them, I force myself to love them, but I feel like I deceiving to myself, my family don't understand me, this is the result for I love them so much, they even don't care about what I'm thinking.
I want to do whatever I like, I want freedom, I love my life in collage, even though it is very busy life, because my classmate are very kindness and understanding, they are very willing to help, that is what I want in my life.
I don't want full of controlling in my life, I hate to do when I forcing by someone to do the job or work I hate about.
Why they just thinks university life are very relaxing?
Why they think I have a responsibilities to do the family business?
Why when i feel stressful and tell me that they will divorce soon even though this is impossible?
Parents should be don't let their children worries about their relationship, they don't know how hurt to hear it, they just think about themself, they don't even care about their children, I hate them very much.
What should I suppose to do now?
Am I have to let them go ahead?
Or let myself go ahead?
I can't imagine my future, I don't know how to face them when I meet them, I feel very uncomfortable, I'm afraid when they try to tell me or force me to do something that there are very hurt to me. They even don't believe me, what person I am they supposed to be very understanding.
What does that mean I change a lot when i starting my university life?
Am I look like a bad guy when I start my collage life?
Am I look very showing off when I start my collage life?
I haven't sleep many nights because of assignment, why they are thinking I just have fun?
You will have fun when you cannot sleep whole day because of rushing assignment?
Saturday and Sunday supposed to be my rest day, why I must doing that family job in my rest day?
Are they lack of workers?
I don't think so.
They think I am free this two day?
They think my course work are easy for me to handle?
They think I'm smart enough to exam?
This is what they thinking about.
The most funny things I ever heard about is School's study things are useless in real world.
I realize that real world is experience needed, but study in school are prepare for learning to gain experience for real world, therefore study in school are useless?
And why we need a school?
School is building for what?
Decoration of a city?
What a joke~~~!!!!!!
At this time I miss my little Jacky very badly,
my beloved dog Jacky, where are you now, I miss you so much, I know that day you are very hard, and I know this is all my fault, we bring you into our life, but we didn't care enough to take care you, untill you very ill, we don't know how to help you. When you gone, I cry many nights, Because I love you the most, but I can't help when you get ill, so that I let you go, untill you are rest in peace. I still can't accept that you are gone, that is all my fault, but I don't know what should I do.
Mariah Carey's song are here with me...
spread your wings and prepare to fly...
Butterfly..........